The Journey to Boston

Boston has always been a mythical city for me. As a child, it was about thirty minutes away. My dad worked there. So we'd often visit. I remember the buildings, and how I saw them as a child, how it looked so big, and full of life. There was this magic to the place. We'd go to Fenway Park and the Boston Garden, and to me these were more sacred than any church. We'd go whale watching off the shore of the aquarium and I remember thinking how amazing the world was, full of creatures, beyond imagination, just beneath the surface. The moments I spent there will always live large in my heart.

As I grew older, and my family moved, I would visit less and less frequently. But still it held its appeal. I felt connected to the place. After college, I lived there for about six months. These were perhaps the darkest six months of my life. It wasn't due to the city or anything like that, it was my life that was dark. I had no idea where I was going, what I was doing, my life had no purpose, and I had no power. It was just terrible. There were periods of time where I just didn't even feel able to talk to other people. I had used far too many drugs. And I had drank far too much. I was in a bad state. I was literally in hell. And that is exactly how I felt. I felt like I had been condemned to hell.

While I was living there, I remembered something one of my professors had told me. We were reading Dante's "Inferno". I asked him, "why did God condemn all these people to hell?" (this took a lot of courage for me to ask, because at the time I was extremely shy and had a hard time speaking in class.) He said, "Ahh...now you will see the genius of Dante. God did not condemn these Souls to hell. They choose to be in Hell. They could be free at any moment, if only they chose that. You see, to those in Hell, the light and love of God is the most painful thing, more painful than any torture."

I remembered that, and I thought to myself, "I choose to get out of hell. I will not live like this any longer." And so I set my intent to getting out of hell, to doing whatever it took to create a life that was worth living, a life that had meaning to it.

At the time, I was working in this bookstore. I remember sitting there and reading Carlos Castaneda's "Journey to Ixtlan", and I thought to myself, "this is my Ixtlan...this is it...Boston is my Ixtlan...I have to leave and I may never come back, but I can not live this way any longer. I just can't." I decided I wanted to find a teacher like Don Juan, someone who could show me the path of being a true warrior on this earth, of having real purpose and meaning.

I had wanted to move to New Mexico. Santa Fe to be exact because I felt that this is where I would find a teacher or a guru. I went through this big battle with my parents. They wanted me to go to Japan. I wanted to go to New Mexico. My mother said to me, "Joe (as that was my name then), if you go to New Mexico, you will go much further from your family then you ever would if you went to Japan." They won. I went to Japan.

And so the years past. And I grew in my power. I eventually went to Santa Fe, first on a couple of vision quests, and later, to be with my spiritual family, my ohana.

And so, this weekend. I returned again to Boston. Really, for the first time since I left eight years ago. And once more I found myself sitting in the exact spot where I worked so long ago. Once more I found myself on the edge of the freedom trail, looking at the old South meeting house, right by State Street and Fanuiel Hall. And as I sat there, I looked at my life, at the journey that is my life, and I will tell you, I was amazed. I had walked out of hell. One step at a time. I had emerged from the darkness that was my life. I had found what I was looking for. I watched my Soul grow before my eyes, and did not notice. I watched my life appear before my eyes and did not see.

I tell you this story as if it were not true, as if it were just a story, but really, it happened to me.

And so, I returned to my Ixtlan, ever so briefly, and while I was there, I thanked that earth, that piece of land, for what it had given me. I used to believe, as it was said in Castaneda, that once we leave our Ixtlan, we never return. We never make it home. But while I was there, in my Ixtlan, I saw that we carry our home with us, it is part of us, it is never far from us. The light and love of God is always shining. The sun never sets. What we deeply desire will manifest. It always does. So long as we choose to live in that love and light.

While I was sitting there, I decided to set my intent for the next cycle of my life. There is still more that I want, still more to grow. Still more love I want to bring into my life, still more light, still more Soul. I have grown down into my darkness, now I desire to grow deep into the light, and bring that light out into this earth. I desire to fully manifest my highest Self on this earth.

And I tell you, I know that this will happen. And now you can see how I know. Because it already has.

Love and Light