My Inner Temple

"In my soul there is a temple,
A shrine, a mosque, a church

That dissolves, that
Dissolves into God.”
Sufi saint Rabia


"Create a place where you can truly come forward, where you can go to in your inner world for an energetic connection, for shifting of your energy. You allow yourself a place where your energy can be higher, where you can allow who you truly are to come forward, after all that is the actual intent of this life, that we call the earth life system."
--The Oracle

For years I have carried this place in my heart, a place I can go to when all around me seems to be dissolving, when I don't know what the next step is, or what the next moment will bring. Usually, I would go for a long run into the mountains, far from all the people I know, and look down onto the city where I live. From that vantage point, I could see that my life was simply a dream. And I was the dreamer. And the dreamed.

And in that space I would turn to the setting sun, and I would speak from the depth of my heart to God. I would always be heard. I would always feel connected. In that place, I knew I would always be o.k.

But the thing is, no one else was there. I kept this place to myself. I held on to it like it belonged only to me. Over the past few weeks, I've been reflecting on that. There have been a few things that have brought this to my awareness.

First, on Thanksgiving, it was getting late, I was sitting around with some of my closest friends, and I, for some reason, asked them how they envisioned their death. I told them that I would go for a walk into the woods, to me, this meant coming back to my inner temple, the place that belonged only to me. One of my friends said that he wanted to die with his loved ones around him, looking into their eyes, and just connecting with all the love that he had brought into this world.

And that struck me.

Being a bit of a morbid guy, I often reflect on my own death (happy fellow I am). In all my reflections, I am always alone. And I think for years, to some degree, I'd been pursuing this place of aloneness, a sense that I can only really be me when I am alone, when no one is around.

The second thing happened last week in the Oracle's Monday night class. At the beginning of the class, the Oracle instructed us to come to our gathering place, and I immediately went to my own inner temple, where I am alone. But the Oracle went on to say, bring other people here, bring all the people you are closest too into this gathering to this place.

And I was absolutely dumb struck for one moment, it never occurred to me to bring others to my inner temple, to actually be as real, as open, as honest, as authentic as I am in those moments when I connect with Spirit, with other people. At first I balked at this, I didn't want it. But as I opened up, and allowed others to enter my space, as I let the walls down, even if it was only in my imagination, I could sense all this connection.

For years my soul has longed for connection, but my ego has blocked that. It has kept my self hidden, holding back, never quite being as real, as honest as I could be. Isn't it ironic that the thing that our souls may want the most is the very thing that our ego wants to avoid. Is it any wonder that Christ said, "the stone that builder refused has become the head corner stone."

So for the past few days I have reflected on this, and I have worked on opening and allowing others to see me, to know me, as I am. A good friend once said to me that I keep all that is most real and powerful within me hidden. At some point, you have to drop the pretenses, you have to stop hiding, you have to bring your light forth into the world. And that is just what I intend to do.